What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
