After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
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I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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