I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
