my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
