And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
