I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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