suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
