Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
