Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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