hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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