You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
