there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
