If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
