They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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