I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
