i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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