1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
