we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
