If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
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