My underwear smells like fireworks.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
