I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
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You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
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