What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
