Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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