i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
