Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
