She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Randomize
