that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
