Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
