Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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