Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
