my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He shit in the fireplace
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
