YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
