Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I think I sprained my soul last night
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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