I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
