Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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