I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
