my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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