Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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