It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
