dude i'm inner monologue high
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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