my text book just quoted the cookie monster
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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