do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
