yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
