A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize