It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
