I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
