He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
