I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
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Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
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I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
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