Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
