Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
