I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
