if i can run in heels then i can drive
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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