bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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