she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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