we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
