# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
