If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
