It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
