She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
