oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
