he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
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I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
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BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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