how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
