dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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