I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My vagina is very pro this idea
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
