i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
