If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Oh god it's open bar.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
