It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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