matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
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she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
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I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought