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The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
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