I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?