Are we in a gay sports bar?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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