I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
