I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
