Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
