oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
