It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Randomize
