She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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